My Dad is great and compiled most of what I needed for the family health history and even sent it to me in a user friendly excel spreadsheet. I finished it up over the previous couple of days and yesterday I completed my paper and turned everything in with a few hours to spare.
I learned that nearly every member of my family except my brother and I have high blood pressure, thyroid problems and arthritis, five people have diabetes, several have high cholesterol, a couple had Alzheimer’s, and 1 had Parkinson’s. It's kind of scary to face that. My grandmother had (late onset) Alzheimer's and it was very difficult on our whole family caring for her. It was a mixed blessing when she passed as she had lived a long and full life and for that we were grateful but we were also grateful that she was no longer suffering and nor was our family. Alzheimer's is a cruel curse. I didn't know her father also had it. Now I am scared wondering which of my 5 aunts, my dad or my uncle it may affect. I also worry will it happen to me? I have a lot to learn about this disease but right now I don't want to face it. I chose to do my research paper on high blood pressure.
It feels good to be accomplishing this, working hard on my assignments; even facing things I don't want to face sometimes and my goals to get good grades will pay off down the road. I'm doing the best I can without books for 2 of my three classes and am still in a financial limbo, completely broke for almost 2 weeks now awaiting my student loan-and hopefully some unemployment. It's starting to get to me. As much as I enjoy being home-and I do it is exactly the medicine I needed right now, I enjoy the stability of income and not having to rely on other people to pay my way more. I enjoy not having to borrow money and being able to pay my own bills. I enjoy the independence of having income, paying my own rent, having a vehicle. I miss that a lot. I had hoped I could get enough aid to make it so I could live comfortably without working. I had hoped if I gave up my car, my house and so many other things, that it would free me up enough to live off my grants and hopefully have minimal loans to get me by. My grant didn't cover my full tuition so of course no money for books and to live off of. My loan will help when I get it in another two to three weeks, but it’s less than one month's pay when I was full-time at 406 and it has to hold me over for 4 months. It's not going to work.
My only salvation right now is one of two things. Getting the unemployment I have applied for, or going back to work. I just hope and pray I get the unemployment because I need a little more time before I go back to work to figure some things out. I will ultimately be going back to work no matter what, but I hope it can be running my own small house-keeping business, and/or working in a coffee shop or cafe. Working is the only way. I don't feel good about not having income, not being able to pay my bills and becoming a burden on Hiram. I'm too independent to want or allow someone else to take care of me, even when I need it. It causes me stress and frustration, and ultimately working causes me less frustration. I think I'm going to see if Paradise Bakery is hiring downtown. I got offered a position at the one in Sugarhouse a while back but ended up not taking it and staying where I was due to the pay cut. Now though after eliminating many bills I can afford the pay cut. Stable income is better than no income, and working a job I enjoy is more important than a big pay check. I realize the jobs I loved the most, are the ones that paid the least. As unfortunate as it is, I would rather have less bills, and debts and possessions and have the freedom to be able to afford to work the jobs I love. We spend a great deal of our adult lives working, and in my opinion, it is far much too much time to spend being unhappy. So whatever makes me unhappy has got to go! I spent the last decade experimenting and figuring all this out so I don't have to spend the next ten years doing the same things and ending up not being where I want to be at forty.
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